1980 called and they want their resort back.
As I read some of the positive reviews of this place I can only assume that either:
a) these people have rarely traveled, or,
b) they don't expect much
This resort my friends, is nothing to write home about. There are several reasons for me saying this and I will get into them shortly. The nicest things I can say about this resort are:
1) The Italian and Japanese a la carte restaurants serve up very tasty food
2) Building #1 is conveniently located close to the beach
3) The outdoor Mayan show on Wednesday's evening outside near the beach is entertaining--just be careful you don't fall into the pool.
Now my "long" list of issues,
CLIENTELE - There were mostly Mexicans running around this place. I believe around 70%. There’s nothing wrong with that but this resort seem to cater towards them. If you go there expecting to see someone from your neck of the woods , then the chances are slim.
FRONT LOBBY - they gave me a room in building #1, like I asked, but I was given a metal key with your room number stamped on it. So, if I ever lose it, some guy can easily break in. Is this really happening?--who still uses a metal key? Decamaron does, and it was a sign of things to come.
BUILDINGS - all look dated. They really need a fresh coat of bright paint and the stucco redone. Having doors with metal key locks is outrageous and unacceptable. The room itself was again dated and lacked a safe, mini bar, and shampoo. Again, unacceptable for a resort. You expect to go to a resort where things look relatively “fresh”, no this place. Much of the furniture should have been thrown out to the curb years ago. Very disappointing.
SERVICE - well, when i asked the maid for more towels, she looked at me like I was from another planet. Where's my “Spanish for Dummies” book when I need it? I called the front desk for an extra bottle of water and they advised me, "We only provide one bottle per room per day, you can't have anymore!". Wow, I just wanted a bottle of water lady, not a magnum of liquor. When I asked the front desk for an umbrella as it started to pour out, I was told, "we don't provide umbrellas!". Gee, I guess they expected me to pack one in my suitcase--along with the bottles of water.
RESTAURANTS - all a la cartes except the Italian are outside with no A/C. Don't expect me to wear pants when it's 90 degrees outside people! The buffets are also without A/C and terrible, they cater towards the local Mexican tastes. Even though they have a theme night, they might just add 3-4 mystery meat dishes. If you love eating so-so authentic Mexican food 24/7 then this is the place for you. I also have to mention the Steakhouse--it's really a Brazilian-type restaurant which almost made me turn into a vegetarian. Now I like meat, but to see all the spinning skewers with meat strands flipping back and forth and fat dripping off while they spin in front of you is a bit much. And then, having the servers carving meat after endless meat (thank god for the pineapple) onto your plate almost made me sick. It is far too much meat for anyone to consume. Part of the problem is that they never told you the whole meal process upfront and what all the meats would be. They just kept carving one meat after another onto your plate.
INTERNET – nothing free in the hotel. Some pay as you go kiosks in the lobby which give you zero privacy. Even though the resort staff warns you to stay away from the timeshare booth on the corner across the street, I have found them harmless and willing to provide you with the password to the private bar’s free internet—worth the trip to the booth! It was then free wireless internet for the rest of our stay—woohoo! Tip for you, sit at the tables at the tennis courts and you can still grab the bar’s internet signal from there. Just tell anyone who asks you that you’re using your own mobile internet—let’s not tell too many people our little secret, right?
POOLS - the small pools near Building #1 are pathetically small, and in your way of walking. Watch how many drinks you have each night, or you'll end up walking right into one. Oh yeah, and it'll be 9pm at night and the local kids will still be splashing away in them.
BEACH - I liked the beach, nice and wide, but the beach chairs were squished too close to one another. The sand was nice, but not white line in the Caribbean. The water wasn't as warm either, and the jellies stinging me were irritating. The first time I ever experienced them.
ENTERTAINMENT - this occurs outdoors in a concrete bowl. Yup, no cushions for you! It's geared towards the locals, so most of it is in spanish. You'll see all of your fellow mexican vacationers sitting beside you, make sure you ask them their favourite item at the buffet. If it does rain, the show is moved inside the nightclub, where it is (dare I say it) air conditioned! Yes people, if you get lucky with the weather forecast (pray for evening rain) then you'll be in a nice cool place to relax for the evening.
SHOPPING – very expensive merchandise in the two resort stores. You can always take the bus to downtown and ride with the locals—always a fun experience, just dress lightly as those buses get hot! When I went in July, the Puerto Vallarta’s Boardwalk was under construction with the merchants yelling at you to come in each of their stores. Not fun.
IN SUMMARY
Let me first advise that I am a well seasoned traveler. I have stayed at all types of resorts, from 5 Star Iberostars to 2 Star no-names. I know what's a reasonable expectation, and what should never be occurring at a resort. This is a bare bones resort, 2 stars at best. I do not recommend anyone stay here. If you know resorts, you’ll feel cheated and wonder how they get away with it. There are many other resorts that are so much better than this—look at them and steer clear of Decamaron.