I want to preface this review by saying I will be contacting Minnesota Attorney General Lori Swanson to report the fraudulent business practices of Jewel of India.
But we can get to that in a minute. Let's talk about the rest of the experience, shall we?
My dining partner and I stopped in here tonight around 6:30, after discovering our first choice (Malabari) was closed for President's Day. Hungry, we skip checking out the previous Yelp reviews and walk in to an empty dining room replete with dingy carpet, dirty walls, and tables covered with hospital bed-type tissue paper. Having dined in places with a similar appearance, but with five-star service and food, I let it slide.
We sit down and the server (owner's daughter?) asks what we want to drink after a quick look at the menu.
Dining partner: "I'll have an iced tea."
Server: "We don't have iced tea."
Dining partner: "I'll have a Coke." "
Server: "We are out of Coke. How about a Diet Coke?"
Me: "I'll have a mango lassi."
She acknowledges my order, but never shows up with my lassi.
Again, all three of these beverages are on the menu.
We then order our dishes:
Dining partner: "We'll have the tandoori dinner for two."
Server: "We don't serve that tonight."
This is red flag number one.
We finally settle on chicken tikka masala and the boti kebab. A minute later, we hear the distinctive ding of a microwave. This is red flag number two. We discuss leaving right then and there, but as we have already placed our order, believe it would only be right to follow through with the dinner.
The server delivers our dishes, with cold basmati rice, a soupy cereal-sized bowl of tikki marsala with perhaps five small chunks of chicken, and tough, dry lamb balls served upon a two-tablespoon bed of seared onions and four or five green pepper slices.
She doesn't bother checking up on us during our dinner.
We finish up what we can, my dining partner excuses herself to use the restroom, and the server informs me that our total is $32.50. No bill, no chicken scratches, nothing. Being new to Indian culture and food, I'm not sure if this is standard operating procedure, and just figure to look at the menu afterward to ensure we aren't getting hosed. I hand over my credit card:
"Our machine isn't working tonight. Do you have cash?"
"No, I don't. I just have a card."
...To which she emphatically asks, pointing at the empty spot of my dining partner's: "Does he, or she, have cash?"
At this point, I'm upset: "No. SHE does not have cash. I HAVE A CARD."
"Let me see if I can run it."
A minute and a half later - poof! - what do you know? The machine is miraculously working.
The inflated $32.50 was actually an even-more inflated $34.21, and at this point - frustrated, disgusted, and just wanting to get out - I sign, leave zero tip, and we leave.
This entire exchange is strike three.
Tonight, my dining partner and I were scammed, served garbage, and insulted. Guess what? Tonight, Jewel of India scammed the wrong customer, and I will be certain to not only spread the word about your awful establishment (don't try and bribe me with buffet coupons), but also as stated above, I am informing the AG and other relevant entities and agencies about your unlawful credit card/billing scam. Karma's a you-know-what!